"WISE, AND BENEVOLENT SAYINGS FROM DEAR BELOVED UNCLE SIDNEY"
...okay I don't know how many there really are, but ya know.
(Dear Beloved Uncle Sidney is seen here in his favorite disguise)
"If everyone could change gender, color, orientation, and hat size at will there'd be a lot less bullshit in the world!"
"If you're in a burning theatre, leave."
"Clocks don't kill people, jobs do!"
"Never go into the water."
"There are sharks out there, and they will eat you."
"If you see someone all alone, cold, hungry, and wandering the streets after midnight report them at once for curfew violation!"
"Never step on a crack for it is possible your mother's back could at some time in the future be greviously injured, and thereby be an unnecessary drain on the Peoples Medical Infrastructure."
"Always be nice to cats"
(Dear Beloved Uncle's Kat)
"Do not sing in the rain!" "For such is a petty bourgeois, and western decadent Hollywood waste of the peoples time"
"Do not cut off any of your ears!" "Believe me it's a bad idea!"
"Take narcotics,..in moderation"
"Never, never eat cod fish."
"Pornography is good,...mostly."
"Pissing blood is never a good sign."
"Don't speak to dogs for they are the pawns of Satan."
"Drink heavily, and sleep till dawn."
"If George Bush should comes to your house, and asks you if it would be alright if he continued the war, and drove the country several $trillions$ 'more' into debt."
"Paint crows, wheat fields, and yourself as often as possible"
More to come...