Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"Darkening"










Something is happening to me I don't like.

I'm getting mean. Not angry. I've not been angry through 'all' this.

However there's now a seed of meanness in me that was never there before.

I'm also re-thinking the virtue of kindness. It too often is double edged with an exit wound that profoundly stings.

When I'm back on my feet I fear I'll be withdrawn, cynical, ungenerous, coldly cautious.

Mean.

This may be the lasting monument to these harsh months.

4 comments:

poetreader said...

Sid,
You have friends. Some of us are entirely unable to do anything practical, and, believe me, that hurts -- I would certainly want to, and I'm not the only one, I'm sure. Hang on, brother, there IS light at the end of the tunnel, and it ain't a train.

I can't do anything "practical", but I can keep you in prayer, and, frankly, I do believe that IS practical.

ed

Anonymous said...

Seconding Ed's thoughts. I can't say I've been exactly where you are but I've been in similar places. It sucks, I know.

You're also in my thoughts and prayers. All I can give you is a phrase that I learned in a 12 step program. Hokey as it sounds, it's true, even though it's a bitch while you are going through-

"This too shall pass."

Godspeed,

Mr. Chips

valamiel said...

I've felt awful about what you've been going through ever since I learned of it here. I'm terrified of having a similar experience, for I've been on the edge myself for a long time, and these harsh times are scant reassurance. It's shameful that such a wealthy nation as the USA is willing to let such a thing happen to so many of its own people. I think it's perfectly natural for you to feel the way you do. I'd be pissed - REAL pissed!

I'm so glad you've held on to that job. I want to see you in your new place and hibernatin' to your heart's content. And or course posting sweet sexy spiritual artistic stuff on boy blogs, while enjoying complete peace of mind.

I wish you love, peace, and warm blankets on your very own bed in your very own cozy and beautiful place!

Uncle Sidney said...

Bless your Souls, thank you.

I apologize for my ongoing pity party. I guess I had to vent. ...and what are blogs for if not that.

Anyhow thanks for putting up with all this. It was just a really bad few days is all.

My "Paper Chase" is nearly done, and with that my reconstruction can begin.

I hope to be in my new home sweet home soon.

As I said I'll post pix's of it no matter how grand or humble.

...again thanks to you in cyber world, and here on this end.

Esp. Rev. Martin, and Nurse Pickles!