Thursday, July 15, 2010

"Pamphleteer "

One of the oldest traditions of our Republic is cranking out demented broadsides, and shoving them at folks. Possibly where the term "crank" came from. Anyway I've been doing this for most of my life.

I guess my original flirtation with the sacred First Amendment was in high school. Long story, suffice to say I published the school's underground paper back in 1968. A vintage year for that sort of stuff.

I graduated to anti-war rants, deluded revolutionary screeds, and later Queer arts. I was a romantic. I ground out prose, poetry,..all disturbingly bad, and swell gay porn drawings.

I still do Queer Angels. Some of them get my other blogs yanked. Naked Angels are dangerous things to behold. Especially the more, eh,..happy ones. Ahem.

Anyway I was sitting around in all this heat, and humidity, stewing in my own gravy. When I figured what the hell. Things being what they are why nor cook up a nice peacenik pamphlet choking with naïveté, and assorted nonsense.

What could go wrong.

The worse that could happen is that the cops will shoot me 40 times in the back. As they so often do to colored folks. This after tasering, beating me to a bloody pulp, and arresting my bludgeoned body. So what am I waiting for?!

Decent copy for one.

Folks don't like wordy leaflets. Commies have a bad habit of grinding out smudged single spaced, small type, both sides, no picture rants about bullshit nobody cares about. Such as world peace or saving the pancake batfish.

These loons think normal people are as obsessed as they are.

...they ain't.

What ya average rube wants is winning Lotto numbers or free tickets to the ball game.


So I'll give'em what they want. The top of the sheet'll say "WIN!", everybody wants something for nothing. The graphic will be a picture of a sexy babe on a motorcycle.

However the copy will say,...

"Be Kind"

"Especially if you don't feel like it"

"Don't worry. Your Heart will catch up with your actions"

"Till then just be cool, chill, be nice, BUT DON'T BE A DUMMY."

"Watch ya Back!"


*(You think I wanna be out here like an idiot handing out this crap?

I'd rather be rich and a zillion miles away same as you.

'But this stuff's important.)


Already it's too wordy. Wha'd I say 'bout Commies. I'll crunch it down to less than half all that static.

Anyway I figure asking the mob to be nice would be better than calling them a bunch of selfish racist morons the keep voting against their own self interests because they're all stupid as a bag of rusty hammers,..and smell bad.

It never pays to call your potential converts assholes. At least not to their faces, and certainly not first thing off.

Anyway the basic "Kindness ploy with the watch ya back wanting to be rich, and getting the hell out'a here thing ought to do it.

Especially if I can get some of the cutie pie interns around the job to hand these things out for me.

Stay tuned.

A pal just suggest I put more naked people on it. Well 'near' naked people. I don't want the cops to shoot me right away.

Anyway with all that "skin" the rubes will at least keep the pamphlet. They might even eventually read it.

Okay, I'm dripping with cynicism, but these are just the times we live in.


Zaek said...

Pictorially connecting kindness with hot babes seems to me a better tactic than connecting it with crucified corpses and associated guilt trips. So I think you're on the right track.

I'd like to print stuff too, especially images. Paper and ink are more durable media than electronics, so that's a plus for them. Clay tablets are even better, tho a bit bulky and heavy.

Uncle 2012 said...

Yeah I thought about the clay tablet option. However like you say there's all them practical considerations.

So paper it is.

Besides the Heat might beat the liv'n crap out'a me with some of them tablet things.

Btw we have an actual 'right' to Pamphleteer.

Back in the day when the Brits ran City Hall. They used to arrest, and or disappear trouble makers for doing that Freedom of Speech thing.

Sooo, the Founding Slave Masters specifically wrote down that we could do it.

Eh,..annoy passersby with our demented screeds that is.

'Course try telling that to the minimum wage security guard that tasering your balls.

Pardon my Anglo-Saxonism.