Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"Rough Daze"

I feel nuts today. Actually I've been off for about a week. I have a free floating anxiety seasoned with depression. Like I told a friend recently these problems are only suffered by those still employed or housed.

If you're on the outside, no home or job you really don't have time for these sorts of emotional luxuries. This is actually true, In my months of dispossession I was never upset or angry.

Surviving was my only job.

Perhaps as I mention below I'm beginning to heal from that experience. Tinkering to scale models, and uncertain emotional anguish are good signs of normality!

On the other hand as I also told my friend. Part of me want to go back out on the street. Yes most irrational. Still I feel it. As dangerous, and terrible as it was, didn't hurt as much as "normality" does.

Life is a strange business.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't you DARE go back out on the streets, Sidney Smith!!!!! I understand what you mean...every now and then I wish I was back behind the walls......Strange feeling, but like you on the streets, behind the walls was only about survival and not much else: no responsibilities, no decisions to make, nothing-just be in the moment and take care of what needs taking carwe of at that moment.

Hang in there,

Mr. Chips