Monday, September 21, 2009

"What's a Mother to do?'

(My concierge Madam Yuki admires my floors.)

Can you get sent to hell for your house being 'too' clean? Ever since I moved into my happy little home I've spent most of my time cleaning, and polishing it.

Especially the floors.

Mostly the floors. The damned thing is as smooth, shiny, and slippery as glass though not as brittle,...yet. Now, and then I put in a bit more silicone compound along the floor, baseboard join. Bugs ya know.

Of which I have none, no mices either. Yeah in a NYC apartment too!

My place is as sealed as a submarine. What the contractors missed I gleefully filled in. However that's not the point. The point is my floors which have become a fetish for me.

The wood is nearly a century old, but was sealed under a profoundly hideous layer of green, and yellow tiles since the 1950's. Both I, and my contractors we amazed at how well preserved it all was.

Thank gawd for 1950's bad taste!

I polish my digs end to end several times a week. Well okay not as much lately, but If a week goes by without me hose'n the place down with "Mop'n Glo" I think I'm letting the place go bad.

Yes this 'is' nuts.

Especially considering how I 'used' to live. As the sainted Quentin Crisp is alleged to have said,..."Never clean your flat. After two or three years it won't get any worse."

Amazingly this is TRUE!

(Saint Quentin as a sweet young thing.)

This is where I name drop. Yeah like most of the Manhattan art, and or Queer crowd I knew Quentin. I loved this sweet gentle soul. I'd run into him when he came to our radio station,, for this or that adventure.

I talk about all that on other blogs. Thing is I was in all sorts of extreme emotional circumstances just before my time as a Houseless person. My response was not being as tidy in my former house.

Seriously yucky.

However I've gone to the 'other' extreme now. Like them folks that washes their hands 50 times a day.

So am I going to hell or what?


CatLadyLarew said...

Everybody needs an obsession! Can I come slide on your floor in my socks?

Uncle 2012 said...

Socks indeed.

I've already tested it out. A good pair of sweat socks is all that needed for hours of fun at my place.

...oh what we've been reduced too.

Anyway I'm having a small dinner party next Saturday, and my pals are going to try it out.

I'll post pics of this deranged mayhem.

Stay tuned, and I really likes your pages!

Zaek said...

Maybe pampering the floor under your feet is a way of appreciating the roof over your head.

I've gotten tidier with age, otherwise I can't find stuff like art supplies I want to use. I've also noticed I drive more slowly than I used to.

Cat Lady's right. It's fun to be obsessive. Almost as good as sliding in your socks.

Anonymous said... the early '90s, when I was a guest of the state, I lived in what they called a "pod": ten two man cells and a dayroom for each pod.The floors were concrete, and had to be sealed periodically with waht we called "wax" but was in reality some kind of poly sealer.

One of the more harmless preoccupations was to make one's cell floor "shinier than thine", which entailed going down to the office, getting a cupful of "wax", stripping your cell floor with strong soap, then putting a coat of the sealer down, letting it dry, polishing, putting down another coat and repeating the process until all the sealer was used up. Some guys did this several times a week. I know, it was only a 6 X 10 cell, but it kept us out of trouble, and if you made enough coats you could piss away an afternoon.

Then there were guys whose prison job was to9 keep their pod clean. Some of them were really OCD about their floors, using the same process. I remember one pod I lived in in particular. The pod cleaner was a big old Hispanic guy who wouldn't allow shoes to be worn on the pod. Knowing how big he was, and what he was in for, you just said "si senor" and took off your shoes. For some reason, most Hispanics I met in there were real neat freaks.

Take care,

Mr. Chips

Sion Liscannor said...

Have you considered getting a 'boy'?
Where I live now (in India) 'boys' come in all ages, and it's impossible to do without one. Even if you don't want a 'boy' (and in my early days I found the idea of being waited on hand-and-foot by another human being repugnant) a 'boy' will eventually attach himself to you. This has happened to me after every house move. I hung a sign on the door saying 'No Boys' - but one morning I would wake up, and there would be a 'boy' swabbing the floor or polishing the sink or washing my laundry or preparing my breakfast. After a while the first 'boy' would be joined by a second, and after a few months there would be a complete troupe of them. Then it was time to change house again.
But I have to admit, they keep the floors absolutely shining.

Anonymous said...

That's the reason I was a guest of the stste....I had a boy, or three.

Mr. Chips

Zaek said...

So you went to India after all!

Considering how things are in most of the world, it seems a bit ironic to move to the ends of the earth where you have to hang out a sign saying "No boys"! If only we all had that problem.

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