Thursday, May 27, 2010

"I Almost cut off my Finger"

Not on purpose. I ain't 'that' nuts. I was working on my happy little house, and a tool,..a frigg'n 'SHARP ASS TOOL. Slipped.

You know what that's like.

Anyway there I am trying to figure out how much of my hand and or finger I just sliced off. Funny it didn't hurt, still doesn't much. Anyway there was that dazed moment when I wasn't certain of the damage.

The tip of one of my fingers seemed shifted to an odd angle. Humm, I sez to myself, well okay this is local mayhem. My hand is still attached. The finger though, I say, "humm".

I managed to cleanly slice off 80% of my finger nail. This of that finger next to the thumb. The nail, and a nice chunk of flesh. Did I mention the blood?

Ya know if it wasn't for Jim Crow I would'a been a Boy Scout. A Scout with a First Aid Merit Badge perhaps. Well that's gushing blood under the racialist bridge now I guess.

Funny thing I was over at K-Mart just the other day, and it occurred to me that I didn't have a proper first aid kit in the house. Being newly frugal I put it off till next time.


So I'm gushing blood all over my beautifully polished parquet floor. I just love doing the wood work around the digs. You must come over, and admire it some time. Anyway I'm getting faint, and was slipping on the blood.

I had no idea that just one finger had 'that' much gore.

Being a practical sort I goes digging in my tool kit for, guessed it. DUCT TAPE. Did you know that half of the International Space Station, and the Mir before it was, and is held together by duct tape.

(Duct Tape on the Moon!)

Indeed, our helicopters, Slicks, and Big Boppers during the Viet-Nam war were similarly sent into the teeth of hellish battle taped to hell'n back.

What's good enuff for them space guys, and Uncle Sam is good enuff for what left of my finger.

I think I passed out for a few moments,..while standing up.

Anyway I make it to the bathroom with my roll of tape. There's actually little ducks on roll. I stick my hand under rushing cold water, and dump half a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on my almost ex-finger. I tied off the pressure point at the base of the offending member, and wrap my entertaining wound in duct tape.

Then I pass out for real.

On closer inspection the wound is fixable. So I don't have to call my old pals from NYFD/EMT. Remember when I was hemorrhaging like crazy through my nose last winter? Yuck. The EMT's came over, and fixed me up fine.

Later I learned it could have been a symptom of a mild stroke.

Maybe it was.

Bleep it I'm still here. Anyway the bleeding eventually stopped, I cleaned up, and went around the corner to the drug store, and got the usual medical doodads one needs to save a finger.

The nice Chassidic lady whose shop it was said I should go to a clinic to have it looked out. Hell that's the last place in the world I'd go.

Them places is spawning grounds for bed bugs, and that flesh eating fungus. Also with no National Health they'd charge me $1200. bucks just to say hello.

I'll take my chances out here thanks.

Well the nail, and flesh were still attached,..somewhat by a bit of tissue so I did some basic field surgery, and first aid. So far so good. It's a day now, and I seem to be on the mend.

The Human body is amazing ain't it. I just mashed down all that shredded flesh, and it's all happily knitting back together. Regular cleanings, changes of sterile wraps, and I'm good to go.

Now to clean up the Blood.

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