All I feel these days is a sense of barely contained rage. I think there's maybe 300,000,000 other Americans that feel something similar. This for all the reasons we already know. We also know there are no real solutions, at least none that current factional politics can give us.Something from the "Narnia" books,.."always winter, and never Christmas."
That's it in a nutshell.
I weary of this ugly, prolonged national static. Maybe that's why I considered vanishing back onto the street. At least there you have certainty. You live or you die. No bullshit, no discussion. Same as I've been told by war vets. No bullshit. Life or death from moment to moment, and you never know which or when so you just go with it.
The good thing about snow in the Emerald City is that it covers up the shit.
2 comments:
Don't go back onto the street. It's death. And it's not necessary in order to ignore the national static. Better to stop paying attention to the news. Don't watch it on TV. Don't watch TV at all if that's what it takes - just nice movies and cute animé videos. Don't read the papers or magazines or news sites in any depth. Basically, once you've seen the headlines, you know enough to stay abreast, and focusing on the details is just toxic.
In this respect it's something of a problem that you work at a radio station, because (I assume) you must be exposed to the content: especially since it's a station where (I presume) people focus a lot on national and global problems. Don't pay it any more attention than you have to. Living in an intense urban environment like NYC may be a contributing factor too.
Still harder times are on their way. No need to go out in search of them! Far better to think about what we can do in preparation against them. At least that's what I'm trying to do, with what success remains to be seen.
Rage is a destructive force and rarely, if ever, accomplishes anything worthwhile. Its effects on the world around one are almost totally negative, even when the desires that occasion it are good -- and, more than anything else, rage is destructive to one's own inner being -- it destroys the soul and eliminates whatever degree of happiness might still be available.
I find that when I am enraged, it's because I'm believing it's all about me -- that it's just not acceptable for a world to be other than I want it to be and that somehow I should be able to remake it all. It's just not that way. I can do my best to change things. I may even have some small effect, but, for the most part, the only changes I can really make are inside myself.
If try to look beyond the veil, to remember that my own time and place is a miniscule part of all that is and to live my life as best as I can, sometimes I actually get a glimpse of what is beyond. Somehow I begin to find a way to live in peace and, yes, in joy, in the middle of a thoroughly screwed up world.
ed
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