Friday, July 24, 2009

"Boiled Piss!"

(Above is a recently dug up 90,000 year old fossilized NYC subway car. Repainted,..a little, and put back into service. Just another small way of saying "Fuck You, and Drop Dead" from your MTA.)


Of all the affronts, and horrors that the citizens of the Emerald City must endure. Nothing, I mean nothing in recent memory comes close to the gaseous nightmare I recently encountered within the bowels of the dreaded "MTA"!

The MTA, the subway, that shit encrusted, smoky conveyor of condemned souls that we are all too familiar with!

As any right thinking lesbian separatist will gleefully tell you men, males are infant eating mutants, a genetic plague on the biosphere, and an abomination in the sight of the G-ddess!

These facts are grossly borne out as it is they!

Them croch grabbing, gum spitting, leering, semi-illiterate, reality show watching, homophobic, book burning, unwashed, wife beating, whore fucking, NY Post reading, jizz spraying young men who are the primary source of the underground dank, ripe, turned, and cooked waves of steamed piss.

I refer not to the traditional piles of fried shit. As that's an altogether different treat of the summer season in the MTA!

I don't want to be unfair.

No I mean boiled oceans of the emptied contents of millions male bladders! Thoughtless young men who apparently never heard of the concept of holding it till they got home.

These walking urine factories think nothing of hosing down every nook, and cranny of our once fair metropolis with their used beer, rot gut, and assorted colas.

This ongoing crime was enabled by the evil MTA when they shut down all the "gents" facilities back in the 70's.

My gawd!

There I was minding my own gawddamned business trying to get the hell home. I makes a transfer to the No. 6 at the City Hall/Bklyn Bridge station, and runs face first into a WW1 chlorine gas attack!

My eyes watered, I gasped for breath, my head was swimming. I felt as if I was at the bottom of a urinal in a Shanghai peg house in 1912. The crap got into my lungs, and sat there like a demon turd with legs. The damned thing seemed to be crawling around inside me.

I was coughing, and wheezing as were the other surprised, and dazed passengers!

I was sick, I thought of calling 9-11, no lie, I did!

My gawd can you get AIDS, or any other really fun killer shit by breathing this stuff?!!

I finally made it back to my tiny hovel next to the nuclear waste storage dump, and pig rendering plant on one of the less fashionable dead end streets of our great city.

Thank gawd fresh air at last!

All my stuff stank of boiled piss. I remembered my post 9/11 chemical attack training, and quickly pulled off everything, and shoved it into a large trash bag.

You think I'm kidding right?

I put in everything. From my dainties to my made by political prisoners, and Tibetan slaves cheap Chinese sneakers. I Then shoved 'that' bag into another bag, and secured it as tightly as I could.

After 'that' I took two Hot, Hot frigg'n HOT!!! showers using that "tuff guy" brown soap I got at a Queer shop on Christopher street!

I 'still' have a cough from that gas Dammit! time I'll take a cab.


Lino in pissy NYC said...

You think that is bad...try the A-C-E southbound stations all along Central Park West. You literally seem to be playing a form of hopscotch to avoid all the "human" effluent.

I never really thought much about what a vandalized, neglected mess our mass transit system is...until Thailand's Bangkok "Skytrain" and subway. You'll seldom see even a wrapper (or Rapper) on that system..and it is -not- enforced Singapore Style, rather it is just the decency Thais show each other.

Apparently, Asians have either better manners...or better bladder control...they do seem to drink as much as we non-Celestials.

It's really a disgrace when even my many Mexican friends remark how much cleaner their subway is. I guess they are more efficient at washing away the blood from the frequent murders than we are at removing piss from our system.


Uncle 2012 said...

The taste was in my throat for a couple of days.

I think that an unusually large puddle of ex-beer collected over the weekend at the station.

Then that spate of steamy days blew in, and fermented this man made lake. There it waited for the unsuspecting victims on the crowded No. 4.


Hey com'on I'm a tough guy.

I can take alot of shit, but my body wasn't ready for an actual poison gas attack.

It was the damp heat that infested my stuff with the smell. I had to toss it because there was no getting rid of the scent.

You know how that shit can be.

Bodmin said...

'And the iron cars
shunting on forever
into death and darkness...
down Dante's final
fire escape'
(Lawrence Ferlinghetti: Meet Miss Subways)

Zaek said...

Why the hell did they shut down all the men's rooms? That was stupid. Seems to me like a decent place to piss is a pretty basic amenity.

Anonymous said...

Probably shut down the mens' rooms because of the rank immorality, real or percieved, that allegedly was taking place there. We can't leave anyplace open where them there homosecular preverts can gather to do their nastiness.

Mr. Chips

Zaek said...

I figured as much. What a stupid excuse for denying an essential public service. It's a case of morality in the service of filth, one example out of many.

"Homosecular preverts" is a good phrase. I'll make a point of remembering it.

R K W said...

I'm feeling a bit sick right now!

Bobby said...

Speaking of pissy and shitty things, Uncle Sid's Boiled Ham blog has been nuked!

It's not only the public toilets that that scares bastards!

Zaek said...

I just noticed that Bobby. I wonder WTF is going on?

"Cleanliness is next to sexiness" says Casimir Dukahz, so I bet they're scared of both.

Bodmin said...

Dunno', I found BH there just now (1 a.m. EST), going in through the link on this site (which is the only way I can reach it here, where the ISPs all cooperate voluntarily with the government in blocking sites on the secret lists prepared by the pigshit, so I can't get to it by typing in the URL), and there is even a new 26.7 posting by Uncle. The MR post is gone, however. I wonder if the porn drawings that the troll was putting up behind his tag could have been the problem?

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