Friday, July 24, 2009
(Above is a recently dug up 90,000 year old fossilized NYC subway car. Repainted,..a little, and put back into service. Just another small way of saying "Fuck You, and Drop Dead" from your MTA.)
Of all the affronts, and horrors that the citizens of the Emerald City must endure. Nothing, I mean nothing in recent memory comes close to the gaseous nightmare I recently encountered within the bowels of the dreaded "MTA"!
The MTA, the subway, that shit encrusted, smoky conveyor of condemned souls that we are all too familiar with!
As any right thinking lesbian separatist will gleefully tell you men, males are infant eating mutants, a genetic plague on the biosphere, and an abomination in the sight of the G-ddess!
These facts are grossly borne out as it is they!
Them croch grabbing, gum spitting, leering, semi-illiterate, reality show watching, homophobic, book burning, unwashed, wife beating, whore fucking, NY Post reading, jizz spraying young men who are the primary source of the underground dank, ripe, turned, and cooked waves of steamed piss.
I refer not to the traditional piles of fried shit. As that's an altogether different treat of the summer season in the MTA!
I don't want to be unfair.
No I mean boiled oceans of the emptied contents of millions male bladders! Thoughtless young men who apparently never heard of the concept of holding it till they got home.
These walking urine factories think nothing of hosing down every nook, and cranny of our once fair metropolis with their used beer, rot gut, and assorted colas.
This ongoing crime was enabled by the evil MTA when they shut down all the "gents" facilities back in the 70's.
There I was minding my own gawddamned business trying to get the hell home. I makes a transfer to the No. 6 at the City Hall/Bklyn Bridge station, and runs face first into a WW1 chlorine gas attack!
My eyes watered, I gasped for breath, my head was swimming. I felt as if I was at the bottom of a urinal in a Shanghai peg house in 1912. The crap got into my lungs, and sat there like a demon turd with legs. The damned thing seemed to be crawling around inside me.
I was coughing, and wheezing as were the other surprised, and dazed passengers!
I was sick, I thought of calling 9-11, no lie, I did!
My gawd can you get AIDS, or any other really fun killer shit by breathing this stuff?!!
I finally made it back to my tiny hovel next to the nuclear waste storage dump, and pig rendering plant on one of the less fashionable dead end streets of our great city.
Thank gawd fresh air at last!
All my stuff stank of boiled piss. I remembered my post 9/11 chemical attack training, and quickly pulled off everything, and shoved it into a large trash bag.
You think I'm kidding right?
I put in everything. From my dainties to my made by political prisoners, and Tibetan slaves cheap Chinese sneakers. I Then shoved 'that' bag into another bag, and secured it as tightly as I could.
After 'that' I took two Hot, Hot frigg'n HOT!!! showers using that "tuff guy" brown soap I got at a Queer shop on Christopher street!
I 'still' have a cough from that gas Dammit!
...next time I'll take a cab.