Sunday, November 1, 2009

"I Feel Funny"












Okay here's the situation. I just worked for about 18 hours straight. I'm completely fried. My eyes are cooked from staring at various ctr screens, and I'm totally irradiated from being in close quarters with broadcast equipment.

But this isn't the problem.

Going blind, being radioactive, having the flu, being radically stressed out, and awake for a couple of days is no big deal I've been doing this sort of thing for 30 years.

What I'm worried about is the eight Ring Dings,(TM) I just ate in rapid succession, and then washed down with several cans of Pepsi.

I figured this would pep me up.

Anyway what I wanna know is,...are them things gonna kill me?

Granted I used to consume vast quantities of dangerous drugs while doing all the above mentioned work. Eh, this was back in the day, and it was socially acceptable.

However Ring Dings as wonderful as they are are also far more dangerous than any combination of nasally absorbed powdered additives. I think the Coke may be the triggering mechanism of this little drama.

I can hear the EMT guys talking over my deflating body in the meat wagon.

"What a dummy."

"If he just sucked down them Pepsi's, and nuthin' else he would'a made it."

"If he had 'only' scoffed down that bucket of Ring Dings, and left it at that ditto!"

"But ya can't do both, and sure as hell not at the same time!"

So should I be calling all the people that have bleeped me over during my life so I either forgive them or finally tell them what I really think of them.

Or...., should I have some more cream filled, chocolate coated, sugar glazed bits of Heaven?

Dammit if this country had National Health I wouldn't have to worry!

8 comments:

Zaek said...

Yes, it will kill you. This is not good. We in the pervo community have selfish reasons for wanting to keep Uncle Sidney alive and kicking.

Have you got a blender? If not, allow me to suggest getting one. Here's what I've been making with mine lately:

Orange juice, 1 cup
frozen blueberries
frozen strawberries
one or two banana(s)
yogurt

Blend at high speed.

The result isn't some kind liquid self denial. It's fucking DELICIOUS. It rivals a milkshake - better than a milkshake. And it's totally good for you. It's also extremely easy to fix.

For snacks at the studio, go to an organic market or health food store. Get a bunch o' them sweet granola bars or something like that. They're yummy, rib-sticking, and you can chomp them down en masse without ill effect. Yogurt-covered raisins are also scrumptious. That kind of store will often sell them in bulk, hence relatively cheap, from a bin. You just scoop up as much as you want.

Orange juice: fresh squeezed if you can afford it, frozen if not. Each morning first thing down a glass of it. It's delicious, wonderfully thirst-quenching, and every cell in your body will thank you.

It's not about asceticism. You don't have to eat no fucking brown rice. It's about living longer and eating well. And this stuff is easy, no self-denial involved.

End of culinary sermon.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Pal,

Please cease and desist with the ringding/pepsi combo. Please, we beg of you. No more for today. Okay?

Your deeply concerned pals, P & RP

Zerki said...

Zaek blathers on too much. Just concentrate on his 6th paragraph, the one about studio munchies, since that seems to be the crux of the matter.

Bodmin said...

You're getting too old for that kind of shit. Maybe you could get away with it when you were 35, but you are going on 60 now and, take it from somebody who has already passed that age, the digestion slows down and tolerates less.
All things in moderation. (Including moderation, of course.)

Sion said...

Look on the bright side, Sidney: if the lethal mix does kill you, I shall have an opportunity to post the 490 line sonnet-sequence obituary I have been composing for you.

otin said...

They may kill you, but at least with all of the preservatives, you will not rot too fast! lol

Fida said...

If that lethal mix won't kill you, something else will... ;-)

But until then you may want to look into Zeak's mixins and ad some green smoothies too...and then go and kick the health care system...

graymogul said...

Ring Dings are meant to be eaten in moderation, if they are eaten at all. Most people, including you, seem to be unaware that Ring Dings are the defective rejects of the industrial process of manufacturing hockey pucks. Apparently, the Ring Dings emerge when someone farther back on the assembly line failed to added sufficient raw latex. The hockey puck manufacturing process is overseen by several retired N.H.L. goalies and senior rabbis who ensure the pucks are kosher. The Ring Dings aren't. Bon Apetit !!!